Is to NOT live by the rules sometimes.

Vyonne lent this book to me yesterday. Yes, I know it's corny but something about the simplicity of the cover and the title seemed to catch my interest. Such a complicated topic with such a simple cover? Ironic as it seemed, it somehow gave me a glimmer of hope that perhaps that life could be as simple as that book cover.

But the truth is : LIFE IS NOT SIMPLE. It never was to begin with and never will.

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The corny title aside, this book is pretty interesting. And yes, it does make sense.
Like one of the thing written in this book says "keeping it under your hat"

The author said something about keeping your mouth shut. Even if you are in the pits of despair and ready to attempt bungy jump from KLCC with a raffia string as a safety device, you smile bravely and reply with a non commited "I'm fine" . Anything more than "I'm fine" requires more brainpower, more attention and yes, more commitment. And frankly put, most people would rather you giving that answer than anything more than that. Not that most people give a fuck anyway.

This holds true to me most of the time. I am always ready with the answer "I'm fine" when people ask me, complete with a wide brave smile. It doesnt matter if I wanna kill myself at the moment, I will always tell you I am fine. I'm fine now.I think. Not.

Pardon me for my lack of trust. Perhaps I am a pessimist who is better at lying than the rest. I will always tell you that the glass is half full... well, because that's what you want me to tell you anyway right?

I woke up this rainy morning.
Sat through a four hour long, non-stop lecture.
I listened.
I copied.
I smiled.
I joked.
I laughed.
I acted everything is alright.

when
I felt like an emotional mess.
I feel so sick with myself.
And I am certain I am sick now. (physically)

I couldnt take it anymore and before I knew it, I went home to sleep.
I skipped tutorials to sleep.
I am the only moron who'd choose lectures over tutorials
When I woke up, I felt more tired before I slept.

On keeping my mouth shut. Yeah, I have learnt that keeping my mouth shut is far a better option then consulting in someone. Getting someone to listen to you needs TOTAL trust, commitment and faith. Truth is, I sometimes just find it too hard to be so committed. Heck,I cant even commit to myself sometimes.

So yeah, next time if you see me abruptly staring into space or at nothing at all/ giving you a cold shoulder/ suddenly become from loud>quiet, keep in mind that I am taking some time off to keep myself from falling into a thousand little pieces.

You know what. If I say anymore now, I might just regret it. I am fine really. Just go run along and continue with your life. I do not need your commitment. I just need somewhere to hack my thoughts into.

If I am scaring you, and you have suddenly have developed lifelong phobia of me and my blog, I offer my apologies. sorry. I am not that perfect barbie doll which you are so fond of. I might just be a chuckie doll afterall I am human, with emotions, motives, aspirations and hopes. I get emo sometimes.I know emo is not cool but its normal. Most of the time you just cant see it cause I am so good at pretending. After all, I've been pretending for years its almost second nature.

Again,if you think I am scaring you, I am sorry. Go run and play with your barbie dolls somewhere else ok?

I promise I will try to be better tomorrow.

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