The Race.

“Ready.”

I sneak a glance up, looking ahead. The finishing line seems so distant. A fine thin line set against the blue of the sky. Visible, yet it seems unattainable.

“Set”

I shifted my gaze; I look down on the white horizontal line that runs in front of me. Then secretly, I stole a glance at the people beside me. Determination is written on their faces. They seem to be so clear as to where they are heading, where they want to go. Me? Sometimes I wonder too.

Nevermind, I shall try my best.
Uh..wait, theres a word for this in japanese: Ganbatte?

“Go!”

What? So fast? I am not ready yet!
Then again, I have never been really ready.
I might never be really ready. Really.

To hell with being ready.

I kick the sands behind me and joined the people in the race to the finishing line. There will only be one winner. And although I know it might never be me, at least I tried-by doing whatever it take to finish with pride.

^^

I know. Very subjective. Something I had written out of boredom sometime ago. Cant help to wonder that when we ask people as to how they are doing, we are also subconsciously comparing how well we are doing in each others eyes. Doesn’t matter the age, the race and religion, it’s a package that fits one.

Fact of life okay.

If kiasu-ism is a benchmark for an entry to hell, to hell we shall all go.

Ps: Not targeted at any one, just something I had in mind to write about for awhile. Kiasu-ism.

Labels: opinions, thoughts

Crushing.
A silly post.

Yesterday, before heading off to attempt mental suicide by taking both finance and economics in a day they really want resit student to resit i think. then we can be called re-resit students, yvonne and I had this really interesting and rather amusing conversation.

So there I was busy arranging/poking/flicking pointlessly/frowning at my notes when she just suddenly, abruptly started talking about the dream she had last night.

I know, damn random. Come to think of it, she was probably trying to destress me. Thank you.

Labels: coursemates, life, random

BIG thinks.

Lately, I have been having big thinks.

You know, the kinda thoughts which leads to slightly more major decisions in your life. Long term ones. Not like those random thoughts which goes though your head when you're sitting on the toilet bowl in the morning.

---"What shall I wear later?"
"Whats for breakfast? hmm."
"--I should really stop painting my toenails black. I havent seen them in their natural state since.. crap. I. Dont. Know."
"....Uh. I wanna go back to sleep"

No. Not planning to elope with a random guy. Too stupid.
Not planning to dye my hair purple. or pink. Or green. Too weird.
Not planning to get a tattoo.. Too.

Big thinks are really tiring. Energy consuming even. Drags us away from our natural sense of security. Its scary. Daunting. Exciting. Excruciating. But at the same time, liberating.

I am 20. With a big fat 2 i front. And the 2 isnt standing alone.
I think I am old. I think I am wise. I might even think I am invinsible?
-Neh.

But most importantly, I think I am capable of doing SOME big thinks of my own.

I wish she would think so too.
And
give me time to decide.
Big thinks need time.

Yes, mom.
Give me time.

I am after all, 20.
Not 200.

Ps: This is not an emo post. But musings of a 20 year old who is slightly directionally challenged currently. No thanks to the weird paths people keep pointing out to her.

Labels: musings

This is a comprehensible post

301-200408
12:50

This 301th post on the 20 April 2008.
The time is 12:50
I should be studying.

I'll make it quick.

*

Thoughts of yesterday's conversation comes to mind.
Who would have thought that a random sms could lead to such long, almost insomniac conversations?

**

The talk about changes.
Growing up. Changing perspectives. Prospects and hopes. Ambitions and goals. Frustrations and inspirations.

***

The talk about life.
And the lives we had before we stumbled across the one we have now.
and to the lives we are meant to have after we stumble out of our current lives.

Yes, life is not inflexible.
Nothing is impossible.
Its the cliched truth. Dont fight it.

Check out the mirror.
Would you picture the current you 5 years back?

Let the things that remain the same be good things.

****

The talk about peer pressure
Peer pressure despicts us to bend ourselves into the moulds which others before you have made. Stubbornness and inflexibility is something people dont get. Neither do they get the gray areas which some of us operate in. To them, the world is either black or white. Anything in between is just weird. And unacceptable.

But who cares right? We are the gray between the black and white. One-of-a-kind colors. Uncategorizable. Bet "the idoits guide to assumpters" didnt teach them that. We beg to differ. And we dont want to be assumptees of half baked assumpters.

Quote angelin "Be an ASS; make ASS-umptions"

Penang food does make people wise after all.

****

The talk about the past

Tamagotchi. Pokemon. Digimon. Sailormon. (I mean moon). Enid blyton. Archie comics. Gapen books. Surviving britney and the 90's boyband craze. John's pond. PJK days when basketball and football is too cool for girls. Rakan sekampungness (8 years!). Braces that reflect. Days when I cut my own hair and walk around with round thick spectacles in long awkward pinafores and socks pulled up too high.

Damn we were so awesome back then!
Hope we get awesomer.

*********

The talk about nonsense
Career prospects of a nun. Sexual orientations. Initial stages of maternal instincts. Pubic arsonists and virgin eyebrows. And how we should sleep and not breed so we can save rice. Or read, and not breed. Cause we want to be cool and stay in school.

:)

We all suck in communication. What makes the biggest difference is that some try. And some dont.

Perspective's back. Thank you.
To show how okay I am, I shall share with you my latest finding.

THIS is a smiley face with double chin: =)))

Jet'aime aimee lee and angelin yeoh.

13.50 GMT
One hour. Okay breaks over.

Hello, glorious books!

Labels: dedication, personal, random

Everyone meet weechookeong aka ah choi.

MP for wangsa maju.

From keadilan.

AH CHOI PLS DO SOMETHING!

(haha we call him ah choi cause he has an uncanny resemblance to one of my classmate named-yeah you guessed it right- Ah Choi)

Anyway, this MP also has a blog http://www.weechookeong.blogspot.com/

Yay to bloggers.

^^

Now let us spam his blog. muahahahaha.

Sorry la exam makes people do funny things. Including (thinking of) spamming our local MP's blog.

Labels: college, healthy bitching, housemates, life, personal, random

Labels: thoughts

Labels: notice, random

The weight of everything seems so apparent suddenly. I don’t want to be crushed by the impending realities. I understand the significance of everything that is to happen after the 21^st.

Damnit I want to wear the black graduation robe and grab a random person near me to twirl happily around and around until I get so dizzy I cant balance on my heels anymore. I want to look up in the blue sky above and see the little black hats dance in the space above me. To look around and see people blinking back tears of joy. To participate in all the shameless camwhoring in broad daylight. I want to look around and smile, and tell myself that these two years have not been a fiasco.

I want to dance inside as much as I want to dance outside.
Yes thats me when I was 4

The days of judgment beckons. Much is at stake this time.

I want to graduate!

And what pisses me of is that when I have so much to think about yet my thoughts keep finding themselves going down the same path again. The path leading to you… and your crappy morning conversations. Then I start wondering what made you act the way you did.

It might seem weird, but talk to me, I want to understand your side of the story.

I know I know.. you people must be thinking "Oh damn I hope this is so not turning out into a post where I will not understand a word what she is saying"

Four words for you:
Dont worry. Wont happen.
Though I am highly tempted to do so.

So I'll just leave you people with a bunch of random pictures. I like to call them little snippets of my life.

See I am so nice kan?


Playing truant in DK ABE. So relaxing. Shh.


6 dogs vs 1 cat.
Poor cat.

Dont worry it was saved by a bunch of guys.


Best-Pan-Mee-In-The-Whole-Goddamn-World
Enough said.


Babysitting for my cousin and the two little lengchais/monsters while their mom went shopping.
Nearly killed me, the bunch of them.

My cousin speaks with an american accent. Apparently she picked it up at church. How weird is that?!


A newfound skill: I realised that I am good at pretending I am not taking pictures of myself when I am.

Uh.. damn random la this entry.
namothassabrahgavatoarahatosamasabuddhasa... ohm

Labels: personal, random

Sow the seeds of apathy

Yesterday, while chatting with a friend who is currently studying in the land of kilts and bagpipes about random things like the scottish hospitality, his girlfriend and education and such, we suddenly stumbled upon the topic which has been debated heatedly recently- Malaysian politics.

And you know what, for someone who has been away from the country for a year, he was really informed about the whole matter. Which I personally found impressive considering that a considerable amount of young local people dont even give a flying fuck about what is happening in our own dirty little backyards.

Instead they seem to devour all those hollywood gossip like it was laced with morphine.

Ask them who is our deputy PM and they give you a wtf face. Then the next thing you know, they tell you why should they care cause whatshisface najib has nothing to do with them (real story ok, I was mortified) Not some small fry minister, but.. come on la Deputy PM la wtf.

BUT THEN, when you ask them about whether bradgelina is adding more members to their little UN, or whether if britney shaved other parts of herself bald besides her head, or what J.Lo is planning to name her twins, they'll give you all the information you need in minute details. Enthusiastically. With a big fat smile plastered on their face.

Not that I am very well informed of the topic. Neither do I want to rub shoulders with them. On the contrary. However, I do take the trouble to read the papers from time to time and listen to my mom's constant ramblings about what she had read on Malaysiakini.com, notorious for their bashing of the local administration system. So I ended up walking around with the random bits and pieces of information stuck to me. lol.

Apathy is what I observed amongst alot of people. Sometimes when someone spontaneously brings out the topic, I see people look uncomfortable, flinch, look around distractedly, suddenly look interested with their nails and so on.

I dont know lah whether the apathy (tidak apa attitude) displayed has to do with our teaching since young-to not ask questions, lack of understanding or lack of concern for our futures. Maybe we are just generally disinterested people. Maybe we are just living in denial. Maybe we are just so bloody disappointed we just give up and save our precious breath and saliva. Maybe we are just gifted with huge tanks of thought but are cursed with gold in our mouths.

Maybe, I dont know lah.
Maybe could be anything and yet everything.

Point is: Generally, the voices of the future like to set themselves on silent mode.

Gosh its been awhile since I ranted on a topic like this. haha.

Labels: opinions, thoughts

Labels: photography, random, thoughts, weird

:D

==============================

!
An exclaimation mark to represent all the shocks and surprises in our lives

Experience is a name we name our regrets, someone told me this before. If that is so, we all have many regrets in our live. How depressing.

But, I digress.

If our lives were safe and void of any surprises or shocks, I'd think it would be like a rainbow without colors; a zebra without its stripes; a bowl of curry without spices -pointless.

Whatever the surprises, bring it on!

^-^

==============================

,

A comma to represent the breathers we sometimes need to take

To quote a particular conversation I had with my sister:
"Kay, are you busy?"
"Yes, I am"
"But you're just sitting at the dining table doing nothing"
"Well yeah, I am busy doing nothing."

I was being sarcastic as you can see. But thats not the point.

Point is that people are always complaining about how busy they are. You get in a ktm, you hear office people complaining about how hectic their jobs are; you go shopping in tesco, you hear housewives with maids complaining they are busy too. Even when you line up in the toilet, the woman behind you keeps tapping her feet on the floor.

Damn stress la the society we live in.

-.-''

==============================

.

A full stop to represent our limitations.

Though some are born more gifted than the rest, truth is, none of us is gifted in every way. I recently understood that too much multitasking is hazardous. And that overconfidence kills.

Overconfidence is a stupidity of its own anyway.

haih. Two resits for this semester.
Congratulations meikay, you screwed up.

Bye bye beautiful CGPA.

:'(

=====================================

I know this is damn random. But just feel like putting my perspective, however weird, unincomprehensible or unacceptable they are- into words.

Neh give you many full stops to represent your speechlessness.

..........

I know, I am weird.
Shut up.

Labels: opinion, random, thoughts, weird