Chinese New Year beckons

Everyone's favourite day is almost here!!!
no, its not valentines. Neither it is my birthday =p

CHINESE NEW YEAR IS ALMOST HERE!! YAy-ness!

Yes! Its the time of the year where all the aunties and uncles have the undeniable and compulsive urge to make everything as RED as possible and to disregard the very existence of black things. except our hair, well.. since you cant really do anything much about it since its stubbornly stuck there since you were born The time to stuff yourselves silly, get sick and then blame it on the good food, all in 24 hours.

Of course, thats not really why everyone love CNY right?
CNY is all about indulgence dammit.

What is CNY?
Read the rather confusing kata kunci like words below. Trust me, its rather worth it.
After all, its written by me =)

BEFORE:
clean. renovate. clean. clean. buy. paint. clean. clean. paint. buy. hang up red things. clean. hang up more red things. bake. cook. clean. bake. cook. steal ur moms cookies to eat. get scolding for eating cookies. buy. clean. cook. bake. cook. cook. clean. clean. clean AND hang up more red things.

DURING:
wake up. THEN wake up parents. say something cheesy but nice sounding. collect angpow. eat. drink. eat. go out. pray at temple. eat. drink. gamble. see relatives. smile. read out memorized cheesy speech. ang pows.thank yous. if you see some unknown relative who is staring creepily at you, smile back. shut up. try to look interested in the latest developments in your great-uncle's-second son's widow's (the one who remarried thrice)youngest-daughter's son is doing right now. eat and drink while smiling politely. eat. drink. Try to wrestle your bratty cousin sister who is trying to steal your spectacles (if you are wearing one). eat. drink. be prepared to answer classic questions like:

"how is college?"
"how are your grades?" GULP!
"What are your future plans?"
"Do you have a boyfriend?"

be prepared for some matchmaking by some old folks if you have answered "no" in the last question. If you've answered yes, congratulations, be ready to be bombarded by further questions such as "What is he/she studying/working/doing/what family do/how you guys met/is he/she a model/does she/he have an IQ of 160 above??

Such is the wonderment of keh pohness.
Remember, be sure to smile during the whole process.

Then the whole process continues. Situation may vary but this is the rough template of what to expect. Be prepared for sudden appearance of strangers who are actually related to you in some way. Or the emergence of a childhood playmate/relative who suddenly blossomed into a lee hom/Utt look-alike, thus making you feel sad that they are blood related, thus making them unobtainable as incest is widely frowned upon =( Be prepared to get compared to a relative/friend's kid who is of the same age range. From your grades/height/weight/looks/coco activities/interest/hairstyle/how your butts looks in a pair of jeans.. the possibilities are endless.

BE PREPARED. BE VERY PREPARED.

AFTER

get headache, sore throat and fever ALL AT THE SAME TIME. count your ang pow profits (be sure to minus/add the amount you have won/lost during gambling) and decide if it is enough to buy that latest handphone which cost as much as the GDP of a miniscule nation. take down red things . eat up the rest of the food/drinks.

THINGS TO ATTEMPT DURING CNY and (hopefully) GET AWAY WITH IT

1. Visit Uncle Lim tick. done that in form three already =P
2. Try to get your parents drunk.
3. Then ask them questions you have always wanted to ask them
ie: Were you a virgin when you married dad/mom?
What preventives do you guys use?
4. Try to get your siblings drunk. just for the sake of it
5. Dye your hair red and paint your nails black.
6. Wear ALL black on CNY and see how the folks will react.
7. Eat all the food prepared which is supposed to be for visitors.

** blogger will not be responsible for the consequences arising from the above suggestions as it is just a guideline she had written to amuse herself which most she'll probably will NEVER attempt in her whole lifetime. Besides, she already has the answer to the questions in number 3 =P AND NO, they werent drunk at that time.

Whether or not if you celebrate CNY on a huge or small scale,
(or, like someone I know-not at all)
whether times are good or trying,
whether you collect more ang pows this year or not,
whether you are rich or poor,
whether you are chinese or not...

I shall spare you all of the cheesy unoriginal greetings and wish you all..
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
Gong Xi Fa Chai!

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