Friday, May 23, 2008
Depreciation of Inspiration.
Lately, there has been this unusual and insatiable need for me to just get out. To run, to escape. I suppose staying too long away from home does that to a person. Perhaps its just me, but inside, i grieve for the loss of freedom. Internally and externally.
The longer I stay here, the more I feel I am losing myself to your negativity. Your perspective. I hate it when you make up for your lack of dreams by thinking that you can do all my dreaming for me as well.
But you know what, I dont wanna live a life modeled out like a fucking piece of game of life, planned meticulously and carefully from the start.
Get good education. Sail through with flying colors. Get a respectable job. Get attached. Get married. Breed. Work harder. Get into a nice retirement home. Die after you see your grandchildren and great great grandchildren.
What happened to vegas and skinny dipping in the atlantic and backpacking across europe? Do stupid teenage dreams turn to ashes when reality of life sets in?
Relating to you at times can be said as tough, almost impossible. I've tried again and again to be as understanding as I can. Yet always failing horribly with my attempts. I know you have sacrificed alot.. more than i can ever. Eventhough sometimes I dont think the sacrifice is worth it. You deserve so much. Ask for so little. Tabik.
So I tried to play along with your cards..only to find out that by doing so, I am betraying myself.
Perhaps I have been rude. And my ithinkiknowwhatisgoodforme attitude pissed you off. I am sorry. Sometimes I am scared to share my opinions with you for the fear that I get shot down. Sometimes I think things are better when I am away. I know I am lousy. I am selfish. Perhaps a little spoiled. I am sorry I cant be like her.
But I stand by what I have always believed in-everyone should be given their personal licence to dream at their own pace without being held back or pushed into it.
Guys,I am sorry I am behaving like this. You can just pretend and ignore this. But promise me to continue holding on to your dreams no matter what.
In the end, its what keeps one sane when one is down.
Lately, there has been this unusual and insatiable need for me to just get out. To run, to escape. I suppose staying too long away from home does that to a person. Perhaps its just me, but inside, i grieve for the loss of freedom. Internally and externally.
The longer I stay here, the more I feel I am losing myself to your negativity. Your perspective. I hate it when you make up for your lack of dreams by thinking that you can do all my dreaming for me as well.
But you know what, I dont wanna live a life modeled out like a fucking piece of game of life, planned meticulously and carefully from the start.
Get good education. Sail through with flying colors. Get a respectable job. Get attached. Get married. Breed. Work harder. Get into a nice retirement home. Die after you see your grandchildren and great great grandchildren.
What happened to vegas and skinny dipping in the atlantic and backpacking across europe? Do stupid teenage dreams turn to ashes when reality of life sets in?
Relating to you at times can be said as tough, almost impossible. I've tried again and again to be as understanding as I can. Yet always failing horribly with my attempts. I know you have sacrificed alot.. more than i can ever. Eventhough sometimes I dont think the sacrifice is worth it. You deserve so much. Ask for so little. Tabik.
So I tried to play along with your cards..only to find out that by doing so, I am betraying myself.
Perhaps I have been rude. And my ithinkiknowwhatisgoodforme attitude pissed you off. I am sorry. Sometimes I am scared to share my opinions with you for the fear that I get shot down. Sometimes I think things are better when I am away. I know I am lousy. I am selfish. Perhaps a little spoiled. I am sorry I cant be like her.
But I stand by what I have always believed in-everyone should be given their personal licence to dream at their own pace without being held back or pushed into it.
Guys,I am sorry I am behaving like this. You can just pretend and ignore this. But promise me to continue holding on to your dreams no matter what.
In the end, its what keeps one sane when one is down.
posted by hiddenmcky at 2:09 AM
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