Blast from the past.

Today i berbual-ed kosong with an old friend over msn. being a rather lousy friend (in my own personal opinion) and perpetually non-existent to her for the past year, i'd say im surprised having her layan me like the old times.

then it dawned to me.
like the old times is an understatement.
this person was talking as if yesterday was today.


as if past tense is present tense. it was like suddenly, i am transported to the time when i ran around with my too thick spectacles and short hair. when people used to believe in bersih cekap amanah. a time when people used to believe that anwar was gay and incapable (as in leading. dont get wrong ideas k)

sure i remember the things she mentioned. lets just say i have a memory as ridiculously clear as this person in question so it wouldnt be an issue if i wanted to continue talking about the past.

but i dont. cause i know what happened in the past already. i feel like i am forced to watch reruns of a drama i had followed before. damnit.

i want to talk about now. sekarang. xian zai. yi ka. how have things been. how have they changed. how are you coping. i miss you. shut up and please stop associating everything back to the past.

dont get wrong ideas, its not like i dont like the past. but reminiscing about it too often takes you away from present. no good!

you know, and i know. things have changed- they have to. its natural. we grow up a little. our skin gets a little thicker. we get thrown with responsibilities we dont really like. we speak and think a little more dirtier thus causing everything we hear to sound wrong. we hurt, get hurt and try to get over it. we develop weird sleeping habits and grow fat even if we eat half the amount of food we used to consume :(

just because i wear sissy color once in awhile, run around in heels and on certain occasions look like i fell face flat into makeup doesnt mean i'm incapable of being myself. i still feel very me.

opps. smudged liner wtf.

dont make me question my identity. i get that enough already from strangers. you cina, melayu atau cina melayu? pernahkan kamu ditangkap makan dikalayak ramai semasa bulan puasa nih? Takde makcik tapi pernah ada orang pandang aku pelik. aku malu. I am still me. and you are always going to be good enough of a friend for me. i hope its the same way on your end of the line. now dont make me feel awkward. shut up already.

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if it any consolation, almost half my wardrobe is still black-ish. i still occasionally wear surfer dude pants at home. some habits are hard to kill k.

ps: angelin, since you asked, my inner ah lian name is mei gui. damn lame sorry its the first name i thought of beside mei lian. anyway check out the little girl in pink beremo in the corner throughout the whole video. adorable! oh yeah there's an english version of this classic song pls youtube it, its so weird in so many ways.

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