(Tag-ini post narcis)

since you people are not gonna be able to see me in godknowshowlong. lol.
no webcam la angelin. but random camwhore pics from my hp will suffice?
taken within this month.

since you last saw me: i lost some weight. my hair grew longer. now its up to my back. and i learned how to use an eyeliner properly dan smack on full face makeup in 15 minutes woot.

top two no make up.
the bottom ones.. well.

confession: i cheated abit. edited the lightings with photoshop.

ok, now if you would excuse me, im off to stuff my ah beng into the suitcase.

this is ah beng.
i have a pig called sohai and a sotong called soh-tong.
so now you know. pls dont ever let me name my future kids.

Will not be blogging from this post onwards due to some technical (no laptop) personal (need to get a life) and work glitches.

for how long? dunno.

so yeah, rejoice as you wont have to put up with me
....

i swear i have the most disorganized way of blogging- i just blog whatever that i fancy at the moment. and then look back at my old entries and wonder what was i thinking back then. or was it me who wrote all that stuff? :/

so yeah, you shall be rid of me. phew. so now no need to be so nice and try to think of something to comment eventho you have no fucking idea what im ranting about sometimes. haha

so here a digital postcard to remember me by:

i-was-supposed-to-do-some-fancy-photoshopping-involving-me-being-on-the-same-beach-with-leehom-and-jonathanputra-but...
this works fine too.

so this is a picture of a future me and this weird red cocktail thingy.
kthxbrb.

dengan banyak sayang, mk.

Ps: anyone coming near cherating feel free to contact me. miss me sms me i promise i shall layan until you refuse to layan me. lol. i use digi.

Kerambangan kehidupan.

hari ini rasa nak belog dalam bm. biarkanlah aku, aku memang pelik sebegini.

banyak udang banyak garam banyak orang banyak ragam. saya satu pun dah banyak ragam. susahlah layan wanita ini ambooi. tapi inilah memang sifat aku lah. so faham faham sikitlah :/

penungguan yang paling memeritkan adalah penungguan surat yang tidak akan datang.
lagi teruk? surat yang tidak dibalas disebabkan pengirim tidak berani mengirimkan surat tersebut.

takde idea untuk caption tapi aku suka angle gambar ini. dan orang plastik itu comel. macam beremo lah.

"nak terjun atau tidak?"

kedai sari. banyak warna. manyak cantik. saya suka.

semua warna itu buatkan aku terharu sial. masa itu aku tiba tiba rasa nak belajar menjahit... tapi nasib baik perasaan itu hanya kekal selama seminit dua.

sebab aku malas nak belajar.

yellow. red. blue.
semasa menunggu orang tuaku beli 4d

hari ini masih asyik ternampak masa 11.11 itu.
dejavu betul. apalah aku nih.

(haha nampakkah persamaan antara kereta ngan poster itu? yalah aku mouliew sangat sorry)

masa aku ambik gambar ini terfikir pula aimee lee. sebab dia suka lelaki india. taktau la mengapa...
anyway sini ada tiga! pilih satu. haha!

ohhh senyuman colgate. menawan, menarik lagi mempersonakan wtf.

kadangkalanya, perkara yang kita ingat sudah lama hilang sebenarnya boleh ditebus balik dengan hanya satu call. terima kasih digi! dan banyak perbincangan serta keinginan untuk memahami situasi pihak lain.

satu hari, aku percaya pasti kamu akan menerima beg aku yang teramat pink sangat itu. dan kasut hitam tajam yang berkilat itu.

saya mendapati banyak rakan aku yang bijak pandai biasanya tak segembira jika dibandingkan dengan orang lain. adakah mereka ini terlampau sibuk memikirkan semua perkara dan aspek kehidupan sehingga tak dapat lagi menikmati keindahan semua ini?

ataupun, adakah mereka ini mempunyai harapan yang terlalu tinggi untuk realiti mereka? realiti kehidupan kalau nak dibandingkan dengan realiti idaman memanglah susah.

mesti hampa.
:(

jikalau macam itu, aku rela bodoh sikit pun tak apa. at least aku dapat tengok perkara yang menarik didepan mata saya.

macam pemandu ini, entah mana dia belajar memandu dan menulis. P pun boleh terbalik. Please, kalau terserempak kat jalan, jangan-jangan sekali mengikuti.

dan kalau tengok saya memandu, jangan menghampiri jugak. sebab aku terror kat jalan raya. naik highway pertama kali hampir langgar kereta sportcar. sekarang dah takut memandu sebab kena lempang teruk oleh mak, katanya aku mempunyai citarasa tinggi. swt. tak sengaja k. manatau klang ada sportcar.

mungkinkah agong punya?

semua ini untuk rakan2 ku. entahlah mengapa ada mereka yang memberitahu aku mereka suka gambar aku walaupun aku hanya guna handphone untuk point and shoot.

kata mereka macam ada maksud terselit. haha bijaknya! dapat baca isi fikiran ku.

My post secret-What I did last summer in cherating.

Im hitting the airport on raya morning. And all im obsessing about now is: how am i going to survive the next few months without having my daily dose of icanhascheezbugers :(

I sud be looking up for something more useful. Like youtubing stuff like how to run around in bikini without looking fat. or googling boozing.

anything!

Instead, i has a sad thinking about how i cant has mi dailey cheezbugerz.
Its true!

wtf is wrong with me.

ps: anyone has tips on how one can pack more stuff into their suitcase?
Cause reallyla, I dont think my wardrobe is huge, its my suitcase thats really small.

*denial*

I really dislike those who like to pass judgment against people without even trying to understand the situation of others. Yes, scarcity of empathy disgusts me. Alot. More so when the people involved seem to think they have the right to pry into the business of others without invitation and start off measuring their morality with an imaginary ruler of morality. Hm, moral-o-meter anyone?

Bermoral -----|- Tidak

What do you think you are? I mean, who do you think you are?
Do you secretly think you are the santa?

I dont mind shallow people if they admit they are shallow. Its the shallow people who act like they have depth that infuriates me.

There are people who think that just because they have an education, it automatically means that they are a few ranks up the casta piramid. Ok fine, you do have an edge but come on, it doesnt give you the right to step on those who are not so privileged or lucky. Education, it equips one with knowledge and good vocabulary. So yes these people do have a better chance to be the next albert einstein who will always remembered for his wacky hair and e=mc2 and atomic bombs. bless him.

But depth wisdom and street smarts are something else altogether. No lecturer can teach you that. So dont be so smug. yet.

Some people, they might have all the education in the world. Yet they run around with twisted perspectives and overbloated hot air balloon heads. Makes me wanna go at them with a knitting stick and pop the pompousness out of them.

"pop"

Come to think of it, perhaps I dont hate these self professed moral lecturers, I kinda feel sad for them.

But then again, who am i to judge?
Im still not legally an adult. I dont pray before i sleep. And I got a B3 for moral spm only diu.

You know whats ironic? The only nilai moral i vaguely remember is kepercayaan kepada tuhan because it was the first nilai moral in our notes.

Kepercayaan wujudnya tuhan sebagai pencipta alam dan mematuhi segala suruhannya berlandaskan agama dan kepercayaan masing masing selaras dengan prinsip-prinsip rukunnegara.

So dont mind me. Im just ranting.

Mahathir: I will be back.
Abdullah: (ignore)
Chua soi lek: I will be back too.
Chua jui ming: Me too! ^^

**

Anwar: Imma gonna topple the goverment.
Abdullah: I know you bluff me one. Dont wanna friend you.
Anwar: Im serious. Look how serious I am. Come, I show you document can? :)
Abdullah: Aiyo, after ramadhan can? Tak larat lah.

**

Abdullah (to najib): Eh, lets exchange portfolios.
Najib: Okai ^^

**

Raja petra: Police station is my second home.

**

BN MPs: We are going to taiwan.
Pakatan rakyat people: I will follow you....
BN MPs: ..... (runs off to hong kong)
Pakatan rakyat people: (stuck in taiwan because of typhoon) wtf.
BN people: haha! sohai.
Rakyat: You think we all stupid kah? Our goverment sucks, only know how to waste our money.
Angkasawan: Dont look at me =.=''

**

Khir Toyo (to his followers): Teresa asked us to pray softly!! T.T
Goverment: Oo.. racial sentiment=ISA. Teresa kok=racial sentiment. So Teresa kok=ISA
Teresa kok: Wth is all this? I sue!
Karpal Singh: Me too!

**

Ahmad Ismail: Chinese are all settlers!
Sin chew reporter: (reports)
Chinese malaysians: (angry)
Ahmad Ismail: (shows the history books) Its only history. cmon people!
Chinese malaysians: (angrier) apologize!
Ahmad Ismail: No! (merajuk)
Abdullah: Sorry loh. Paiseh.
Najib: Yalah. Sorry loh.
MCA: No, he must apologize.
Ahmad Ismail: No (tears banner)
MCA: APOLOGIZE!
Goverment: okayokay. ahmad ismail, you are grounded for 3 years for being stupid. and sinchew reporter, into ISA you shall go. Three newspapers shall be sent warning letters.
Rakyat: Messengers get shot these days. Next time make sure our kids dont be reporters.

**

Kickthefella: Lets try to be funny and hang the malaysian flag upside down.
Goverment: ISA!!
kickthefella: Me too? T.T
Rakyat: (mutters something that sounds remotely like "waterfish")

Meanwhile:

The minister of Law: Hello? I am the minister of law! How can simply play with ISA one? Byebye! (resigns)
SAPP people: We are breaking up with BN.
KLCI: (jatuh saham)
Price of everything else: (naik saham)
Gaji: (remains constant)
Rakyat: T.T

The drama just keeps getting more interesting. Hm.

september for me, at press time was filled with alot of exceptionally craptastic happenings piled on top of one another. kinda like kuih lapis- minus the sweetness.

september was the time when i tried to cut some strings that tied me up. held me back. only to realise that some strings are not easily severed. refused to be severed. you know what people often say that they walk away just to see who follows or try to hold them back? its true really. and it does suck to know how one can hurt the ones they care the most about for our own selfish reasons. yet we must do it. for one reason or another.

september was the time when i understood about how important it was to follow my instincts. cause apparently, almost everything i predicted and feared would happen was tragically spot on. i swear i should be a clairvoyant. if only the jabatan would certify it as a valid profession. hm.

september was the time when i thought alot about karma. sometimes i think all this is happening because i havent actually appreciated the fact that i have been blessed with pretty good brains. i admit i was lazy for these past few years. and was constantly getting distracted and preoccupied by little things that in end, didnt matter so much anyway. which made me promise myself when i do my degree, i swear i shall work that cauliflower brain of mine.

september was the time when i felt slightly guilty about not believing in god. i have always been nagged by my mom to pray before sleeping. but i dont. because sometimes i think god is like an imaginary friend men made up to talk to when shit happens. although the words "perhaps you should try praying, maybe all this is happening cause you lack faith" does sting a little sometimes.

but then again...I dont kill, or do drugs, practice corruption or commit horrible crimes. I think thats sufficient. If a god does exist, i think he wouldnt be so nasty to stuff me into hell for something so trivial. although he might suggest reincarnation as an option. but that would depend on my religion....hm.

august was much more simple really.

Today i berbual-ed kosong with an old friend over msn. being a rather lousy friend (in my own personal opinion) and perpetually non-existent to her for the past year, i'd say im surprised having her layan me like the old times.

then it dawned to me.
like the old times is an understatement.
this person was talking as if yesterday was today.


as if past tense is present tense. it was like suddenly, i am transported to the time when i ran around with my too thick spectacles and short hair. when people used to believe in bersih cekap amanah. a time when people used to believe that anwar was gay and incapable (as in leading. dont get wrong ideas k)

sure i remember the things she mentioned. lets just say i have a memory as ridiculously clear as this person in question so it wouldnt be an issue if i wanted to continue talking about the past.

but i dont. cause i know what happened in the past already. i feel like i am forced to watch reruns of a drama i had followed before. damnit.

i want to talk about now. sekarang. xian zai. yi ka. how have things been. how have they changed. how are you coping. i miss you. shut up and please stop associating everything back to the past.

dont get wrong ideas, its not like i dont like the past. but reminiscing about it too often takes you away from present. no good!

you know, and i know. things have changed- they have to. its natural. we grow up a little. our skin gets a little thicker. we get thrown with responsibilities we dont really like. we speak and think a little more dirtier thus causing everything we hear to sound wrong. we hurt, get hurt and try to get over it. we develop weird sleeping habits and grow fat even if we eat half the amount of food we used to consume :(

just because i wear sissy color once in awhile, run around in heels and on certain occasions look like i fell face flat into makeup doesnt mean i'm incapable of being myself. i still feel very me.

dont make me question my identity. i get that enough already from strangers. you cina, melayu atau cina melayu? pernahkan kamu ditangkap makan dikalayak ramai semasa bulan puasa nih? Takde makcik tapi pernah ada orang pandang aku pelik. aku malu. I am still me. and you are always going to be good enough of a friend for me. i hope its the same way on your end of the line. now dont make me feel awkward. shut up already.

......
....
...

recently when i look at the clock i keep seeing this time this number i swear its not deliberate i just keep seeing this number randomly at random places such as in front of my pc when i am stuck in the ktm or eating my breakfast while watching tv

day or night night or day

cant help but to think of how this particular time is interpreted in movies music and film which leads me to wonder if there is some truth behind all this

basically seeing this time makes me feel loserish reminds me of promises unfulfilled until today and eventualities that never became true because for some reason or another of which i do not care to elaborate here but i believe i will miss those midnight conversations and wishing good people good morning when i run off to beach paradise

thats it im changing all the clocks in my house to digital timing so it'll show 23:11 in the future

i am not being emo just reflective people should learn to differentiate this two emo is a fad for people who are perpetually sorry for themselves its hard to squeeze some form of happiness from them cause they just refuse to be happy

reflectiveness is something we should all have to make sure that our heads are screwed on in the right direction and despite some recent shit that happened on top of the usual amount of shit i still get my kicks out of living life by looking for the little things that make everyday special

today for example

i went beach dress shopping and managed to get 2 bohemian dresses which can also be converted as skirts 2 tube tops 1 skirt 1 scaft and a cardigan for below 150 bucks the quality of the stuff was terrific too and no i didnt get all these from a pasar malam from shopping complex k

the ah lian in me says i is a jenius arh i swears i had saving many moneyss~~~** ^^

hehe i hardly shop but when i do i must say i love myself

and then this little girl smiled and waved at me for no apparent reason its true i am not being perasan here but it was quite funny she was saying bye bye kakak i found that extremely cute really amidst all the coldness and fakeness the world can conjour up these little precious moments are really to be treasured

and oh yeah that conversation in my chatbox greatly amuses me as well shows me that we really do live in a small world

ps typing without capital letterings and punctuation is really really liberating i wonder why were they invented we have paragraphs anyway

These waves of nostalgia seem to hit me each time I step into that place.

Nostalgia. Pacing those familiar corridors which I had paced so often. Places where I have left my footprints. Navigation was simple. Almost second nature. I got to where I wanted to with utmost ease. There was hardly a reason to think, I just let my feet bring me to where I was expected to be.

Its such an unusual concoction- everything was so familiar yet so strange at the same time.

I see people walk by. And I see them pass. Full of purpose, hands full of books, rushing off to wherever their destination is. With little creases upon the brow and hurried footsteps. I took all this in, finding it almost endearing.

I used to be one of them. A few months back, I used to feel attached to the things happening there. Now I am looking at everything from the outside that bubble. For awhile, I had wanted to be back inside that bubble. But standing outside of it brings a certain kind of clarity which was unattainable in the past.


Suddenly I started noticing those little things that I havent noticed before. Like how much this girl makeups. Like how insecure someone I know actually is. Like how the hawker for my favourite chicken rice shop never wipes his hand after collecting the money before preparing the next plate. eww.

Frank and Beans.

While randomly browsing through random blogs on the internet, I stumbled upon this personality test which people are raving about cause apparently, its "accurate"

Hm.

Long story cut short, I took the test lah. Cause I am a sucker for this kind of things. Eventhough I do know most of them are bullocks, they do somehow make a person mysteriously feel slightly more awesome.

Great therapy for craptastic days.

Anyway, this is equally amusing as well. Scroll over the box for the explaination. Apparently kan, I have very high masculinity. And low femininity, god forbid.



I'm gotta tell my dad that all these years, he has secretly fathered a son. Sad thing is that his 'son' wasnt born with frank and beans.

Which is a pity considering I recently found out he does carry a picture of me in his wallet. And he uses it to dupe his poor unsuspecting colleagues into believing that I am his secret mistress. From Thailand la where else!

(insert wtf expression)

Those idiots actually believed him!
(insert another wtf expression)
Do I have the thai mistress material?!!

Hmm..next time he asks for any of my pictures, I'll give him one which I have my 900 degree spectacles on (which is as thick as my pinky) while reading my french dictionary upside down.

Enough about me, now go take the personality test and tell me if you are secretly a gay man. or gay woman. Or if you are really THAT confused- a little bit of both worlds :D

Yes. I know merdeka's over. Pardon my malaysian timing okay.

To sum this year's festivities: Fifty one years and no one is in the mood to celebrate. No big parties. No fireworks until 2 am. No people dressing up their kids in the colors of the national flag thinking it is the cute. Damn, there arent even people attempting to break some random record in our malaysian book of record in the name of patriotic kiasuness.

Unless you count the government la, I think they have broken some records this year. No need for me to elaborate la sendiri pandai-pandai guess can?

From what I see this year, its sad to say that mat rempits are the only ones who seem to be in the festive mood. And that is only because they can show off their "skills" to the minah minahrempits. Big jalur gemilang draped on the back like superman cape and hollering "merrdeeka" loudly into the night sky. 'Celebrating merdeka' is a very convenient excuse to the policeman see?

But you know what, I'd rather have things to be this way than to have hypocritical people gushing about how much they love their country when obviously everyone knows that our country is not wading through calm waters. Denial with the capital d.

And despite all the talk about being multi racial, we are all racists. Sorry, the color of your skin can easily dictate alot of important issues, like the people we mix with and the places you will study/work. The times when I tick the little box at the immigration/ic dept/passport dept that says "chinese" only to have people throw incredulous looks at my photo and then at me when they looked at where I have ticked. Dont be stupid and ask me if I have made a mistake, or tell me how surprised you are cause I look like some other race. Does it matter so much what race I am? I am local!
But really, all this added up is not even half as annoying as turning on the tv and listening to all the anak celups with their british accent and american degrees telling us local kids to celebrate merdeka patriotically. They have even tried to brainwash us with tunes!!

=.=''

I am not trying very hard to be unpleased about the situation our bolehland is in now. Neither am I trying to prove to everyone that I do not have a cauliflower for a brain. But let me tell you, sometimes I think there are so many things that are so wrong I dont even know where to start.